Archive of published articles on September, 2003

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KD Lang

30/09/2003

KD Lang is presently on Rove [live]. No offence to Rove, who is quite likely (I dunno myself) a good looking man, but sheesh it was hard to tell the two apart. She is quite possibly the most unnactractive person on earth.

That is all.

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What a wonderful evening

30/09/2003

Let me pop the top off a Heineken while you children gather around for story time.

Ready kids? Okay…

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who came across a toad. The toad whispered sweet words (as occasionally did the princess) and before long the princess and the toad decided they should get together and watch a movie.

The toad hired out two movies and headed to the princess abode, getting lost numerous times along the way. When he finally found the celebrity mansion he and the princess watched a movie. All went fine until the princess kissed the toad, at which time, instead of turning into a prince it was bedtime.

The toad left the princesses home and made for Domino’s. He had been too afraid to eat earlier that day so by the time the movie, and the petting, was over he was rather famished. The toad came home and had a few beers, along with some Pizza, went to bed and dreamed of the princess.

The End.

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Let’s Get Random

29/09/2003

I am so sick of not being able to sleep when I want to. I just feel like curling up and snoozing but every day lately it is either too hot or too cold. It’s really annoying me. That and I have fallen in love. Beyonce, if you are reading this; I love your film clips, I love you and I love that ass. Haha, but seriously I am only kidding. Aside from my sleep habits making me a little upset, I am actually pretty happy! :-)

This is Mitch’s Random time: the time in which I am going to ramble and you are going to read, godammit!

I am sorry to Seinfield-ize this sentence, but what is so funny about watching a guy get hit in the nuts? I don’t find it amusing. I find it horrifying and it reminds me of my last blow to the crotch region. It’s just not nice. But girls love the nut kicking. That’s like their weapon for getting what they want. “You do it or I’ll kick you in the nuts,” they say. I’ve heard that so many times. I always did what they asked too, because I might want to have kids someday. They don’t think though about the ramifications of their actions, it’s not like we go giving then nipple-cripples so that they end up with breast cancer is it?

The funniest thing about women is the whole “understanding women” factor. No guy understands women and the scarier part is that women don’t understand women. How many guys have asked a girl for advice on a girl they like or asked one of their friends why their girlfriend is acting so nuts. Did they have a clue? No they didn’t! You ask your friend “Lisa” about the girl your like “Jenny” and what does she say? “Oh that all depends on blah blah and blah blah blah. They don’t have a flipping clue! And if they don’t understand each other, what hope do guys have of understanding them?

Guys always know what another guy is thinking. A girl once asked me, “my boyfriend is seeming a little like he doesn’t want sex as much”. I said, “Bingo, I know your problem, but your not going to like this! He’s cheating on you!” She was pissed off with me, but when she asked him he admitted to it. Of course, because if he doesn’t want sex from one person or another he must be getting it from somewhere else. Or he could be gay, but you can usually tell that long before the whole “he doesn’t want me” stage comes around.

No matter what a girl asks me about a guy, if they can accept it, I can tell them why. Because guys understand each other. That’s why we have friends since pre-school and girls can’t make a friendship last 4 hours through a sale at Ikea. It’s ridiculous.

Captain Insano once said, “What do you tell your wife with two black eyes? You shouldn’t need to tell her anything, she’s been told twice already!”

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MTV Music Video Awards Awards

28/09/2003

I just finished watching the MTV Music Video Awards, or as those cool cats call it, the “MVA” Awards. Which is pretty funny cause that would make it the Music Video Awards Awards. I’m sure next year they will put a little more thought into that. Anyway, after about 10 minutes I renamed the show to the “Suck Shady’s *exploited deleted* Awards” or perhaps we could shorten that to the SSDA Awards?

Every single person who walked up there was trying to “pound out love” to Eminem. He is a cool guy and I like his music, but does he need all of Hollywood after him? Give me a break.

The other possible name for the awards could be “I Don’t Want An Award Anyway Awards” because Justin Timberlake honestly tried to give every award he got away to at least one person.

Acceptance speech number one: I’d just like to say what an honor it is to be associated in the same ranks as someone so great as Eminem. This award should have been yours.

Acceptance speech number two: I’d just like to say what an honor it is to be associated in the same ranks as someone so great as Johnny Cash. This award should have been yours, but I guess we can share it.

Or perhaps Justin Timberlake is just a bit of a loser. Haha – I know I am going to get some hate mail from some angry 14 year olds for putting that on the Internet, but I don’t really care. That’s actually half the reason I said it.

Meanwhile, all the awards went to that girl, is it Missy Elliot? It’s the first time in history that a popularity award went to someone that ugly. She is one unattractive person. Sincerely.

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Make up your mind

28/09/2003

Austin was born, died, re-born and now he is dead for good. Christ-like as he may have been, he will never be again. I don’t know when he died, but today when I look in the tank his poor limp body floating around, there is no return this time. Jesus and Coco appear to be fine, but Austin is as dead as dead can be.

But let’s try and remember the happier times of our poor departed brother. :-(

Coco did the eulogy and Jesus cried.

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Geek Rant: Spamming

28/09/2003

It’s 2am and I have a lot on my mind, still, and I can’t sleep. I figured that if I can’t concentrate on anything else, I can always focus on a nice Geek Rant. Last time I wrote about the lost art of Internet Anonymity, but tonight I want to write about Spam.

For those uninitiated in the ways of Spam, let me show your 3 of my favorite examples:

Subject number one (penis enlargements): “A 2 to 3″ gain guaranteed”
Subject number two (cut price viagra): “We charge nothing to write prescriptions, all…”
Subject number three (magic weight loss): “Lose Weight While Taking a Shower”

It is annoying and it ruins the email experience. When I started my first hotmail account I was a kid. It was nice and safe and never had to worry about some jerk sending me garbage like this. These days if I had a child I would not let them have an email address unless I was able to monitor what they were receiving and block out such things.

Anyway, I am very slow getting to the point. Not so long ago popular television show A Current Affair (ACA) did an interview with a known and admitted Spammer. To quote him directly he said, “I am not doing anything immoral or wrong”. Let’s analyze this.

If you had a “No Junk Mail Please” sign on your letterbox and walked out one Sunday morning to find the latest Ikea catalogue, would you be upset? Of course you would and I, like most people, would be a little cranky about it too. So where is this sign or option for your email account? Is there one? No there isn’t.

If you didn’t have the same sign, what is the most junk mail you would get a week? 10 pamphlets at the most? On average my hotmail account receives upwards of 50 Spam emails a week and then another 300-400 that are blocked by the Hotmail Spam Filter.

But this doesn’t say that it is immoral alone. No. Why do I get so much Spam at this particular email address? Because whenever I sign up at a bulletin board or mp3 related site I use this email address, knowing full well it will happen. Doing this allows my own email address not to be filled with the garbage emails that my Hotmail account is filled with.

This is becoming a long post, but I really can’t sleep and this is a topic that really upsets me. My next point is to point out some of the ways that “Spammers” collect email addresses.

Harvesting: The Spammer goes to a website, any website, and just has a look. Most websites have a “contact me” or “email me” link on them. By clicking this it is an easy way to find out someone’s email address. Harvesting involves the same thing, but in large mass quantities. Instead of physically going from website to website, the hacker uses a program to automatically seek and destroy. This, in essence, is hacking. It’s the use of information for illicit purposes.

Data Snatching: This is where the Spammer gets a little more technical and actually intercepts the data being submitted via users on a website. Have you ever visited your friends website and followed the little “feedback” link to a tiny form and submitted your email just so they can feel special? Well you most likely gave your email address, unknowingly, to Spammers. For a better picture of what is going on during this process, have a look here.

There are a lot of other ways they can catch email addresses, but this post has become quite long and in depth as it is. All I really know is that it is simple to see the problem here. Spamming is essentially Hacking. From someone who started out with a little hacking when he was only 14 and came very close to being taken around the proverbial block, I know that “Hacking” is a crime. But Spamming, which is almost the exact definition of one type of hacking, seems to be perfectly acceptable.

Spammers intercept data submitted in good faith by users and uses it for their own purpose. Hackers don’t do half as much. I know from my own experience that most of the time when I would use a system it was just to try and run a second IRC client, compile some source code, or find porn without getting in trouble at school. I have had warnings for these tiny things, but I didn’t fill anyone’s inbox with obscene advertisements about viagra and penis enlargements. I didn’t hurt anyone or do anything at all destructive. Also note; Hacking does not necessarily involve making virus’ and in no way am I or any other “Hacker” I know involved in said activity. Virus’ are disgusting and the culprits should be caught and hung.

Hackers are looked on as evil and wrong, as if every Hacker has an evil plot to steal 0.05 cents off every transaction made from the banks. Most hackers are simply curious to know more about computers and programming. Hardly ever have I, or any of the Hackers I have known, ever done anything that could be considered destructive. Who really wants to crash a system across the globe that would be better used for something fun like programming? No one, but if Hacking is a crime, then so is Spamming. Personally I find Spamming to be a lot more destructive than almost all Hacking.

Wow, this is a long post. Hope I haven’t bored anyone. I’d love some comments! :-)

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Good things to come

27/09/2003

Okay, right now I am finding it very hard to concentrate on my writing. My head is all over the place these last few days, so you will have to forgive me. Hopefully there are nice and fun things to come and some posts will be up soon. The third Friday Report may have to wait until next week and Mitch can sit down and concentrate a little better.

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Postponed: More fun then a Barrel o’ Monkeys v3.0

26/09/2003

The Friday Report has been posponed to Saturday. I have a headache so I will do it tomorrow.

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Hap-Hap-Happy

25/09/2003

These last few days have been the best in a long time. I am really happy at the moment. At the risk of making a dickhead of myself, I think I will leave it at that.

One of my processor fans completely died this morning. Luckily I was in Windows at the time and it gave me a warning that my CPU fan was running at a low RPM. I checked the exact RPM: 5! 5 revolutions per minute! So that means if it runs for 60 seconds straight it only turns 5 times. Considering it is supposed to be close to 5 THOUSAND I was a little shocked. The moral to the story is this; don’t buy a dual-processor computer, because two new processor fans will cost you $106.80! What a joke! Clearly that money would have been far better spent on the Disney Pixar Box set. What is more fun than Monsters Inc, Toy Story 1 and 2 and It’s a Bug’s Life all in one set? I’ll tell ya’ what, nothin’!

How smart am I (please note the sarcasm in that statement)? I put my PC on the back seat to take to the computer store. It was standing up and leaning against the back seat. This sounds like the best idea in theory, but when you drive like a maniac (I do) it’s just simply not such a good idea in practice. So I am coming up to some traffic lights and they go amber, the car in front of me begins to brake and so do I.

‘The PC is on the back seat, if you brake to hard it will come crashing down,’ I tell myself.

‘No problem, just brake nice and slowly,’ I reply to my own foolish feeble mind.

I applied the brakes gently (a little too gently) and slowed down slowly (a little too slowly) and came within millimeters of the car in front of me. AND the computer just fell over anyway. All was well though, no one died and the computer stayed in tact. Yay. Then I find a car park and pull in, get out of the car and notice an old guy (about 80 years old!) giving me the bird. Apparently he thought I took his park. I didn’t know that people that old had licenses, let alone the bone density to give someone the bird.

In other news, I really want to sell my computer. I really want to. I feel like chucking a tantrum because I haven’t been able to find anyone to buy it yet, but “thems the breaks” (as they say).

I am considering doing the occasional audio-blog entry on here, but I dunno. I gave it about 6 different tries today and when it finally went well I listened and realized that I have the most hideous voice ever. I honestly sound like a moose with a rope around its balls and that isn’t pretty for anyone to imagine.

The Friday Report comes out tomorrow and hopefully it will be filled with all sorts of fun stuff. Hopefully my book will arrive then too. Until then, keep it real!

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Stuff, yeah, stuff is good

24/09/2003

Man, I’m starting to get some readers. Well a few. Hi! And now I am under heaps of pressure to be big Mr. Cool-Writer-Guy. Hahaha. I’ve also been listening to a lot of radio lately. *wink*

Well anyway it was a pretty boring day. Spent a lot of time on mIRC and on ICQ, which is always kinda fun, but other then that, not a very exciting day. Yesterdays post “Geek Rant: Internet Anonymity” actually got posted today. I did type it last night, however I forgot to publish it. Oh well, we can just call it a slight modification. At 11am this morning it was still the 23rd somewhere…

Okay, here is something cool… How about some good old-fashioned riddles? Tolkien Riddles at that. So if you have read the hobbit, you will know these ones, they are Gollum’s Riddles:

What has roots as nobody sees, Is taller than trees, Up, up it goes And yet never grows?
Highlight here for the answer: A Mountain

Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, Mouthless mutters.
Highlight here for the answer: Wind

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt, Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt. It lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes it fills. It comes first and follows after, Ends life, kills laughter.
Highlight here for the answer: Dark

Alive without breath, As cold as death; Never thirsty, ever drinking, All in mail never clinking.
Highlight here for the answer: A fish

This thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town And beats high mountain down.
Highlight here for the answer: Time

Oh yeah, I also started this weeks Friday Report a few days early and it is promising to be the best one yet. Hopefully in the same post I will be able to review Wil Wheaton’s book, Dancing Barefoot. That’s if it arrives at my place anytime soon. Amazon sent it a few days ago. Should be fun, so make sure you look out for it! :-)

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