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Hallowed Internet, digital be thy name… make me famous!

12/12/2007

Over time people have become famous for a lot of different things. Stella Liebeck was immortalized for all-time and given her own, albeit tongue-in cheek, Stella Awards, based on the ridiculous lawsuit she took out against the McDonald’s giant.

But these days with the internet anyone can be famous, even if it’s just for a day. There are an almost limitless number of ways you can make yourself famous on the internet. Majority of those ways involve making a loser out of yourself on YouTube, or getting in trouble over some poorly thought out MySpace photos, but it’s all fame nonetheless.

Wil Wheaton is/was quite famous from his blog on being a post-childstar. Maddox made himself very famous by abusing people who in most cases deserved it and some cases didn’t. Creating a bit of a ruck at a senator’s speech’s made Andrew Meyer famous for a short time. Even Paris Hilton managed some time in the light when her sex video “accidently” found it’s way onto video and file sharing networks.

And off the internet I have even less time for Big Brother throw-back, Ryan “Fitzy” Fitzgerald, who’s barely intelligible and definitely not funny commentary of Big Brother are only aided by the severe lack of both personality and intelligence of co-host Bree Amer. And please don’t get me started on the acting career of ex-BB housemate Blair McDonough or the singing meager careers of people like Australian Idol winners Casey Donovan and Kate DeAraugo.

I could literally go on forever over the shitty ways people have become famous, but what makes my mind boggle is how Chris Crocker is now allegedly going to become famous because of his internet video clip title LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!

“Like… Double-Ya Tee Eff, mate?”

To be perfectly honest, as much as I’ve loved all the internet bagging of this complete joke, even that is a little too much attention for this absolute drama queen effort.

Personaly I would like to see the fat kid who sang Numa Numa make it big as the next poster child for Subway. I am thinking that MTV spends loads of money to get him thin, put’s him in Britney’s dancing crew to make her shitty efforts of entertainment seem slightly less dull by comparison, and follows him across the country as they terrorise children and crash cars.

In fact, here is my list of 5 internet “almosts” who should be made famous before Chris Crocker even gets a look-in:

  • Ask a Ninja – just funny, perhaps he could do commercial appearances?
  • Star Wars Kid – heavily ridiculed after his internet embarrassment, give the kid a break and perhaps a Wilson golf club endoursment.
  • Justin of justin.tv – already part-famous, but now completely overlooked for Justine Ezarik. Give the guy a break, he invented that little wheel!
  • Anyone who blogs regularly about blogging.
  • Anyone with a pulse and an internet presence.

I mean, seriously, is there no one else we can give a little leg-up to except the internet Freak of the Month September, 2007? Is the talent pool of America, and the greater world for that matter, really so low that we have to resort to such desperate measures as making this token-loser some kind of “new kid on the block” at MTV?

Apparently everyone gets 15 minutes of fame, but surely this Queer Eye reject has already had his. I hope I get mine by doing something really cool, however I know that I will probably get my name on the board for a few lousy moments for growing a large turnip or a bizarre incident involving a midget. But I can tell you what it won’t involve: me, ponsing about on YouTube, crying for a has-been superstar, and making an absolute twat of myself.

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The Man is a Grade-A Tool

12/12/2007

If you needed any more reasons to despise Anthony Mundine, read on.

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