Archive of articles classified as' "More Fun Than a Barrel O’ Monkeys"

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How to Escape a Fart



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Mitch’s MSN Censor Gag


After just having a chat on MSN with a friend I have developed an awesome MSN gag to get your friends. Feel free to use this, but do credit me. I hereby license this MSN gag under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 2.5 Australia License. Done, my gag, I own it. Boom!

Step 1: The Setup
Start by some casual chat using the █ character to block out some bad language.

You: Hey dude, what’s up?
John Do: Not a lot, just at work.
You: Yeah same, what a █████ huh? I really just can’t be ████ed today.

Step 2: Act Dumb
By now you’ve got them curious and they’re asking questions about why all the language is being censored out.

John Do: Uh dude, why is it censoring all the bad language?
You: What do you mean?
John Do: I keep seeing black boxes where swear words should be?
You: What the ████ are you on about?
John Do: See what I mean?
You: No I don’t, what the ████ are you on about? ████ you’re being weird!
John Do: I swear to god, you’re being censored!
You: ████, really? That’s ████ing weird!

Step 3: Drop the V-Bomb
You’re presumably tech-savvy and smarter than your friend so introduce some virus chat to really get them a bit worked up.

You: Oh god, I’ve heard about this virus. Apparently it blocks all your swearing and forwards itself through MSN. I can see the swear words here, but you’re sure you can’t see them there? ████ ████ity ████ ████ ████ – can you see that?
John Do: No, I can’t, it’s censored.
You: I hope I haven’t given the virus to you, you try swearing.
John Do: Shit – can you see that?
You: No! All I see is black! Oh I’m so sorry for giving you virus!

Note: just copy and paste the black squares, it’s easier.

‘Nuff said. Go forth and wreak havoc.

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Gmail, Writely, Orkut invites!


There is a lot of the Google universe that is in beta at the moment and invite only, so here is your chance to land an invite to three of their most popular services! All you have to do is comment to this entry and while I have invites I will continue to send them out. I’d really love a link back or trackback, but it’s not required to earn an invite. Just make sure you enter your name and address properly into the fields and let me know which service you’d like the invite to.


Gmail is an experiment in a new kind of webmail, built on the idea that you should never have to delete mail and you should always be able to find the message you want.

Search, don’t sort – Use Google search to find the exact message you want, no matter when it was sent or received.
Don’t throw anything away – Over 2753.868460 megabytes (and counting) of free storage so you’ll never need to delete another message.
Keep it all in context – Each message is grouped with all its replies and displayed as a conversation.


Writely is an online word processor and more. It allows for collaboration of documents, uploading of many common file formats, e-mail documents into accounts, all in an easy to use interface.


Orkut is an online community that connects people through a network of trusted friends. Orkut committed to providing an online meeting place where people can socialize, make new acquaintances and find others who share their interests.

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Fifa World Cup: Australian Match Times

World Cup Fever, originally uploaded by Mitch Malone on

For any Australian Google Calendar users who are nuts about the World Cup, use the link below to get the preliminary match times added to your Google Calendar!

Fifa World Cup: Australian Match Times - Remind me with Google Calendar!

If you do use it, let me know what you think!

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$spot: ‘heavy’


Whoa, what a crack of a journal entry! $spot, you rule dude!

Excerpt from ‘heavy’ by $spot:

This man is forty-five years old and he is a five star chef, a five star ‘heavy’ tennis player and instructor, a long time volleyball player, a five star athlete all around, he has lived in Hawaii, California, and many other places[…]

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Scenery? Shutter up!


Today I had the pleasure of opportunity to play with a Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ30K, one of their latest digital SLR cameras. It tries very hard to bust into a market that is predominantly owned by Canon and Nikon, that market being low to medium range SLR digital cameras. The camera itself didn’t impress me at all and a lot of it really disappointed me, but a few things made me laugh.

The first thing is that it claims to be an SLR (single lens reflex) camera, however it uses an LCD to display the viewing image. The second being some of the more exotic scene modes including; Portrait, Sports, Food, Scenery, Night Scenery, Panning, Night Portrait, Fireworks, Party, Snow, Baby, Soft Skin, Starry Sky, Candle. What the hell is with all of those? Do people honestly take so many photos of candles and “soft skin” that they require their own shot mode? I doubt it.

In honor of their wonderful scene modes, I made up a few of my own. A few that have some practical uses in the real world and people would actually use. Panasonic, if you read this and use my ideas, I don’t ask for much: One… Hundred… Billion… Quabadazillion dollars! Okay, so here goes, Mitch’s scene modes.

Porn mode – Pretty obvious, it enhances the skin, makes dicks look bigger and helps your girlfriend look less like she is faking it. Also has an advanced image stabilizer that adapts to your sexual rhythm and allows you to take better shots.

Perv mode – All the lights outside go off and all sounds deactivate. The Sunglasses (sold separately) use a laser to “paint” the target in order to locate it, the camera does the rest. No more awkward moments on the beach when your aunt asks you if you just photographed her nude!

Bitch mode – You’ve just run into your girlfriend who insists you are still friends and you “just have to get a photo together!” Bitch mode will have her looking like an ugly trollop and have you looking like Don Juan Delanooch! Please note, the camera improves the looks of the person holding the camera, make sure you take a self portrait or you too could have egg ass on your face.

Dick head mode – No, it’s not the male equivalent of the bitch mode. Simply put; your taking a photo of the guy who gate crashed your party, it puts a dick on his head.

Spew mode – While taking photos of vomiting friends at parties, the camera listens for the token “HUUEAAAHHH!” and snaps a shot the instant the carrots fly! No more getting angry because all you got was a set of bleary eyes and a puddle that looks like a dropped pie, catch every spew shot at your next kegger!

Teen shot – Whether your 16 or 17, you are bound to be taking photos of your eyes, tits, bits and pieces, lame shoes, stupid hair, “emo” looks, pasty white boyfriends/girlfriends, angsty drawings, animals that weight less than a kilo, or a billion other things. This setting will make sure that your shots turn out grainy like a webcam shot at a crap resolution and all ready to be uploaded to your latest online “rate me” site.

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Cheeseburger Sandwich

Cheeseburger 1 by on
Cheeseburger 2 by on

Cheeseburger 1 and Cheeseburger 2, originally uploaded by bananasontoast on

Every aussie kid has made a cheeseburger and french fries sandwich, this was my attempt at age 23. There really is nothing like reliving your childhood a little!

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Talk Like A Pirate!


It’s been one year since the last time I got to act like a fool and talk like a pirate and I’m hear to do it again. With a Limited Edition Pirate Header™ and a plugin that piratizes (see, I make up words) my site, I’d like to say Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day! I hope everyone remember their rum and their parrot and truly cuts a little crazy on this fine day!

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Raffle King

Raffle King by on

Raffle King, originally uploaded by bananasontoast on

Well I raffled some shite to Fi and I, but unfortunately I lost. No shite for Mitch? Oh noes!

Raffle King is available at, you should check it out if you like to laugh, especially the “play things”!

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